San Francisco edition
Where Bad Boyfriends Go in San Francisco
Wisdom from a San Francisco Dad Who Knows Every Hill and a Guy With a Crab Boat
HE SEEMED NICE. FOR A TECH GUY.
Every San Francisco dad knows the moment. An electric scooter wobbles up a 30% grade, a guy in a fleece vest climbs off, catches his breath, and there he is: the boyfriend.
Where Bad Boyfriends Go in San Francisco is a graph paper notebook for dads who smile politely, shake hands a little too firmly, and mention that their buddy Lou has room on the crab boat Saturday. Inside: Dad's Rules for Dating My Daughter, two Boyfriend Evaluation Forms, a Muni Alibi Log, and page after page of graph paper for very normal "tide planning."
A perfect gag gift for any dad who curbs his wheels and knows a guy with a boat.
“Relax, son. The fog rolls in at four. After that, nobody sees anything.”— Dad
100-page graph paper notebook · 1/4" grid · 8.5 x 11 in
Coming soon to Amazon
Dad's Rules for Dating My Daughter
- Ring the bell and walk up. It's a Victorian on a 30% grade. Curb your wheels, son. And your attitude.
- Her curfew is 11:00. "Muni was late" is not an excuse. Muni is always late. Leave earlier.
- If you work in tech, tell me now. If you say "disrupt" at my dinner table, we're done.
- Giants fan, we're fine. Dodgers fan, there's the door. It opens onto a very steep hill.
- The Frenchie hates everyone. If the Frenchie likes you, I'll be very suspicious.
- Lie to me and I'll find out. Seven miles by seven miles, and I've walked every one.
- My buddy Lou takes his crab boat out past the Farallones daily. Always room for one more.
- Treat her well: the best burrito in the Mission. Treat her badly: try swimming back from Alcatraz.
Boyfriend Evaluation Form
- Handshake: Firm / Limp / Didn't look up from his phone
- Burrito: Mission-style, foil on / Bowl, no tortilla / Ate it with a knife and fork
- Coffee order: Black drip / Oat milk pour-over (we'll talk) / Asked where the Starbucks is
- He called me: Sir / Mr. ________ / Dude
- Brought her home: Before curfew / 5 minutes late / "BART was single-tracking"
- The Frenchie's opinion: Snorted (normal) / Growled (normal) / Stared, unblinking
- Dad's verdict: Keeper / On probation / Introduce him to Lou's crab boat
Jokes at the foot of the pages
- Notes (not evidence)
- Bay Water Temperatures (Just Curious)
- Crab Boats Leaving Fisherman's Wharf This Week
- Things I Will Calmly Discuss With Him on the Alcatraz Ferry
- Guys Who Owe Me a Favor (Both Sides of the Bay)
- Great White Sightings Near the Farallones
- Street Sweeping Days (His Car)
- When the Fog Rolls In (Nobody Sees Anything After That)
- Marin Headlands Camping Trip (Just the Two of Us, Son)
- Hills Steep Enough to Lose a Scooter On
- Sea Lions at Pier 39 Who Saw Nothing
- Shoe Sizes (For a Friend)
