Los Angeles edition
Where Bad Boyfriends Go in Los Angeles
Wisdom from an L.A. Dad Who Knows Every Freeway and a Guy With a Body Shop
HE SEEMED NICE. FOR A GUY FROM THE VALLEY.
Every L.A. dad knows the moment. A hybrid pulls up, parks way too close to the '64 Impala, a guy climbs out, and there he is: the boyfriend.
Where Bad Boyfriends Go in Los Angeles is a graph paper notebook for dads who smile politely, shake hands a little too firmly, and mention that Primo Chuy has an opening at the body shop on Monday. Inside: Dad's Rules for Dating My Daughter, two Boyfriend Evaluation Forms, a Freeway Alibi Log, and page after page of graph paper for very normal "road trip planning."
A perfect gag gift for any dad who keeps his car low and his standards high.
“Relax, mijo. Nobody walks in L.A., so nobody sees anything.”— Dad
100-page graph paper notebook · 1/4" grid · 8.5 x 11 in
Coming soon to Amazon
Dad's Rules for Dating My Daughter
- Park on the street. Don't block my lowrider. Don't touch my lowrider. Don't even look at my lowrider.
- Her curfew is 11:00. "Traffic on the 405" is not an excuse. Leave yesterday.
- Dodgers fan, we're good. Giants fan, there's the door.
- Call me "Sir." Not "Bro." Not "Homie." You're not my homie. Yet.
- Her chihuahua is named Diablo. There's a reason. If Diablo likes you, I'll be very suspicious.
- Lie to me and I'll find out. Ten million people in this county, and half of them are my primos.
- My primo Chuy runs a body shop in East L.A. He can make anything disappear. Cars, mostly.
- Treat her well: the best taco truck in Boyle Heights. Treat her badly: the La Brea Tar Pits. Up close.
Boyfriend Evaluation Form
- Handshake: Firm / Limp / Kept his sunglasses on
- Taco order: Al pastor, extra salsa / Hard shell (we'll talk) / Asked for ketchup
- In-N-Out order: Double-Double, animal style / Protein style / "What's In-N-Out?"
- He called me: Sir / Mr. ________ / Bro
- Brought her home: Before curfew / 5 minutes late / "There was a Sigalert on the 5"
- Diablo's opinion: Shook (normal) / Growled (normal) / Stared, unblinking
- Dad's verdict: Keeper / On probation / Take him to see Chuy's body shop
Jokes at the foot of the pages
- Notes (not evidence)
- La Brea Tar Pits: Fun Facts
- Things I Will Calmly Discuss With Him on a Long Drive Through the Mojave
- Guys Who Owe Me a Favor (Boyle Heights to the Beach)
- Body Shop Hours (Chuy Works Late)
- Angeles Crest Camping Trip (Just the Two of Us, Mijo)
- Street Sweeping Days (His Car)
- Trunk Space in a '64 Impala (Just Curious)
- Taco Trucks Where Nobody Saw Nothing
- L.A. River Spots (It's Deeper Than It Looks)
- Hydraulics Settings (For When He Parks Too Close)
- Shoe Sizes (For a Friend)
