New York City edition
Where Bad Boyfriends Go in New York City
Wisdom from a New York Dad Who Knows All Five Boroughs and a Guy Who Pours Concrete
HE SEEMED NICE. FOR A GUY FROM JERSEY.
Every New York dad knows the moment. The buzzer goes, a guy in a Citi Bike helmet climbs five flights of stairs, catches his breath, and there he is: the boyfriend.
Where Bad Boyfriends Go in New York City is a graph paper notebook for dads who smile politely, shake hands a little too firmly, and mention that Cousin Sal is pouring a big foundation in Queens on Monday. Inside: Dad's Rules for Dating My Daughter, two Boyfriend Evaluation Forms, a Subway Alibi Log, and page after page of graph paper for very normal "construction planning."
A perfect gag gift for any dad who knows a guy, who knows a guy.
“Relax, kid. In this city, nobody sees nothin'.”— Dad
100-page graph paper notebook · 1/4" grid · 8.5 x 11 in
Coming soon to Amazon
Dad's Rules for Dating My Daughter
- Buzz up and take the stairs. It's a fifth-floor walk-up, and I'll be timing you.
- Her curfew is 11:00. "The L train was down" is not an excuse. The L train is always down.
- If you're from Jersey, we can work through it. If you're a Boston fan, we cannot.
- Call me "Sir." Not "Boss." Not "Chief." Never "My Guy."
- The chihuahua hates everyone. If the chihuahua likes you, I'll be very suspicious.
- Lie to me and I'll find out. Eight million people in this city, and I know half of them.
- My cousin Sal pours concrete for a living. Big jobs. Lots of foundations. Just so you know.
- Treat her well and I'll show you the best slice in Brooklyn. Treat her badly and I'll show you the Gowanus Canal. Up close.
Boyfriend Evaluation Form
- Handshake: Firm / Limp / Kept one hand on his phone
- Pizza: Plain slice, folded / Pineapple / Ate it with a knife and fork
- Bagel order: Everything, schmear / Toasted (we'll talk) / Blueberry
- He called me: Sir / Mr. ________ / Bro
- Brought her home: Before curfew / 5 minutes late / "Signal problems at Atlantic Avenue"
- The chihuahua's opinion: Shook (normal) / Growled (normal) / Stared, unblinking
- Dad's verdict: Keeper / On probation / Introduce him to Cousin Sal
Jokes at the foot of the pages
- Notes (not evidence)
- Construction Sites Pouring Concrete This Week
- East River Tide Tables (Just Curious)
- Things I Will Calmly Discuss With Him on the Staten Island Ferry
- Guys Who Owe Me a Favor (All Five Boroughs)
- Bodega Cats Who Saw Nothing
- Alternate Side Parking Schedule (His Car)
- Gowanus Canal Swimming Spots
- Pine Barrens Camping Trip (Just the Two of Us, Kid)
- Cash-Only Places He Didn't Bring Cash To
- Fresh Kills Landfill: Fun Facts
- Shoe Sizes (For a Friend)
